Discover your Purpose

Why it matters to discover your purpose

by with 2 Comments Christian adviceFaithLifestylePersonal growth

Written by Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye

Does my life really count? You might ask. Yes, it does. Ephesians 2:10 reads “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

The purpose of your life supersedes accomplishing a specific goal. Rather, it is intended to be your ongoing impact on the world, big or small throughout your existence.

Right from the beginning God created us to be in his image and to have dominion over the earth he created and he blessed us to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:26-27). As Steven J Cole writes in his article “Why God Created People”, God’s purpose is to have people on earth reflecting His image and having dominion over the earth under His sovereignty. 

Caring to discover your purpose as an individual is then very important because of the reasons I am going to expound on below;

  • It will cause you to discover your gifts/talents (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Knowing that you have a role to serve that involves others motivates you to develop and excellently use your gifts and talents hence setting yourself up even for greater rewards, for a man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men (Proverbs 18:16). For example, Alexander Graham bell used his gift to invent the telephone for which he is still remembered today.

  • With purpose at heart, you can set a vision for your life

According to Habakkuku 2:2, it is having a vision that motivates one to put in the work necessary towards accomplishing a series of goals and hence serving a purpose. Also, a personal vision enables you to strive through the hardest of times which non of us is immune to in this world. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl elaborated on the horrible suffering he faced in the Nazi camps and how the will to meaning helped him hold onto life even when taking one’s life as a means to escape the painful torture from the camp masters was justifiable.

  • You can form quality relationships.

With Purpose at heart, you will be more concerned with surrounding yourself with people who can hold you accountable to fulfilling your call.

  • It enables us to develop and stick to good habits.

Personally, it is after I gained a sense of purpose that I could stick with habits like exercising. I realized I would need a strong, fit, and firm body to carry out my purpose (honestly I sometimes get inconsistent but at least I have a strong reason to give it a try every now and then). Also, being purpose-driven calls for service so I learnt to set goals for the things I knew I had to accomplish and to properly manage my time so I could meet the deadlines. Someone is always waiting on the other side of your obedience so you can not afford to waste time not doing what you must do.

Overall, a purpose-driven approach to life is what will bring you the most joy and fulfillment so, find out today what you ought to stand for so that you can stop falling for everything that is placed in front of you.

  • You become a confident person

Knowing your purpose puts your worth and capability on your finger tips and that alone can enable you to become a determined and resilient individual. You become less controlled by your circumstances and more empowered by your aspirations! Because you become aware of the value you can offer, expressing yourself becomes easier.

In case you are wondering about what you need to do to discover your life’s purpose, simply start by Praying to God about what you can do with your life. That is what I did and from then I went from just chasing everything I was told I would earn a lot of money from to desiring and doing work that utilises my gifts and talents and makes a positive impact in the world.

Becoming aware of the greatness you carry is one thing, living it out is another. To further help you to get started on living a life of greatness, I designed an amazing course, DESTINED FOR GREATNESS through which you will be assisted to discover who God made you to be and to do the work to make your vision come alive.

Sign up for it here.

May you glorify God by fulfilling down to the last detail of what he has called you to do (John 17:4).

Peace.

 

friendship red flags

Friendship red flags

by with One Comment Christian adviceLifestyleRelationships

Written by Kellen Nakaye

We all vote for friendships that are enjoyable, full of emotional support through life’s challenges, and in which we are held accountable to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

Nevertheless, there are types of people who if you made friends with, it is to your own detriment. Spending time with them leaves you drained and your association with these kinds of people over a period of time hinders your personal development.

Let us explore the characteristics of friends who are not a great fit for you to entangle with so that you do not get a lot of your time wasted in non-rewarding associations;

The User

He/she only sticks around when things are going well for you but will disappears in times of despair. Even before your misery shows up, they tend to call only when they need something. For all the help, and listening ear you give them, they tend to show that they are bothered when you want the same from them. God says in his word that a friend loves all the time; that means they love you when you are up and stand with you when you are struggling. These are the kind of people who if you share your own struggles with them, are quick to tell you something worse in their lives so that they counter your submission and all the empathy still goes only to them. This kind of friend invalidates your feelings.

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

The Gossiper

For this one, every time you meet up, they can’t help but bring up someone else’s business! Sometimes it is confidential information that another person entrusted to them but they can’t help but dish it out, not for trying to seek a solution but just to talk about it. Trust me, friend, that kind of person also goes back and talks about you.

Such people are fond of character assassination because for them it is a habit to seek approval by putting others down in a way to portray themselves as a much more desirable person. In general, these kinds of people always discuss problems but not solutions or visions. 

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 16:28 (NIV)

Now there is when someone uses another person’s story to maybe edify you or drive across a point. In this case, because the intention is positive, it is done respectfully, even by concealing names but when it is gossip, it comes off as putting the subject of the story down.

The ones who like belittling you

They don’t want to see you doing better than you are right now. So, they will frown at or dismiss any bigger plans you share. They always respond to you like you are incapable of doing any better than you are right now. They enjoy getting you to support their endeavors but they can’t do the same for you. I mean there is always some reason why they can’t buy your products or come to your event! They’ll make belittling statements about you and then claim they were joking if you confront them about it. They say anything at any time about you to put you down and (possibly) embarrass you in front of other people. 

A true friend will care to sharpen and build you up.

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. ~ Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV)

The one who acts like they are doing you a favor

It’s like they need you to reward them for every effort they put into the friendship as if your company and the great advice you share don’t bring value to them. This person acts like if they extend such gestures they have to be paid off. Sounds like ‘am too important to be your friend but if I am then you have to pay!’ So they don’t even reach out to you until they need something. Do you really need a one-sided friendship?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)

They pressure you into things

You know you have a mind of your own and sometimes you can decide on what you will and will not do. A good friend knows how to respect and understand your boundaries. A controlling friend wants to insist that you go where you said you didn’t want to go even after you’ve explained your reasons to them. They are more about exercising control and who wants a controlling friend?

Here is a fictional story that depicts the effects of bad friendships;

A man took a glass of water and placed it on the table. Due to some urgent work, he went out of the room. Next to the glass of water, was a bottle of poison. Looking at the water, poison smiled and said, “Your life will end soon because that man will drink you.”

Those words terrified the water and it asked the poison to suggest a way to escape from this problem. Poison replied, “I will give a drop from me to you and that will change your colour. When the man sees your colour change, he will not drink you.” The water felt happy and found a saviour in poison.

Water requested poison to mix a drop of itself into the water so that the man won’t drink it. Poison mixed a drop into the water and the colour of the water changed. The man returned and took the glass of water to drink. When he saw the colour change, he left the room without drinking the water.

His action thrilled the water and said, “My friend poison saved me”. Water then told Poison, “Now you can change me to the original condition and colour.”

With a simple smile, poison replied, “friend, I can only mix with the water, but I cannot take back from the water. Now you are poison and not pure water.”

Final thoughts

Beloved, with those few remarks, take time to revise your friendships. Are you growing in them, are you being given a shoulder to cry on when you need one?

It’s ok to have a few quality friends than a multitude of people that don’t help you to become a better person or hinder you from being who God has called you to be.

He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed. ~ Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV)

So, be bold and let go of those who exhibit such toxic traits.   Above all, work on being a great friend yourself;

Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Proverb 27:10

Christmas gifts ideas

The Best Christmas Gift to Give Anyone

by with 3 Comments Christian adviceFaithLifestyle

Christmas is widely characterized by gift-gifting! This practice is justified by Christians with reference to the Three Wise Men, the Magi, who gave gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to the infant Jesus. (Mathew 2:11)

Christmas being a celebration of Jesus’ birth into the world and he is not physically here to receive gifts from us, families, small prayer groups and even colleagues choose to instead exchange gifts amongst themselves to delight each other in celebration of His birth.

Let us reflect a little on why Jesus was born into the world.

In the beginning God created us human beings to worship Him and created for us earth as our beautiful habitation where we would serve His purpose for our lives. (Genesis 1:27-31)

The plan was that we would live forever! God placed man in the Garden of Eden and commanded him to eat of every tree but not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because it would cause him to die. (Genesis 2:15-17)

Then Satan who God had cast out of Heaven because he disobeyed Him, came and tempted Adam the first man and his wife Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and that act brought death upon all mankind. (Romans 5:12)

Jesus then was born into the world to redeem mankind of this death by dying on the cross and shading His blood as the perfect sacrifice so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but will inherit everlasting Life. (Romans 5:19)

See, the real gift of Christmas we all have is Jesus Christ and so the perfect gift you can give anyone this Christmas is to ask if they have Secured the Gift of Eternal Life through believing in Jesus Christ as Lord and savior.

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. – John 3:16

To ask If someone has secured the gift of eternal life is the thought that swept my mind when I was on my way to bury my cousin this past week. When I got the news of her passing, I immediately wondered about the destination of her soul but thankfully, when we were at her funeral, her former pastor let the mourners know that a few days before her passing, she had asked him to pray with her to receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour again.

The real gift of Christmas is Salvation, make sure you and those you encounter don’t miss it.

Here is a prayer to receive Jesus as Lord and Saviour;

Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for  giving me life by dying on the cross in my place. Forgive me for all my sins and those of my forefathers. Come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior today. In Jesus’ Mighty name I pray, Amen.

Now if you have prayed the above prayer, ask God to lead you to a Church where you will be discipled and grow in knowledge of Him as well as enjoy community with other believers.

God richly bless you and share this blog in your circles so that others can experience the perfect gift,


with love, Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye (Kay)

 

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Four mistakes that trap women in Toxic Dating Relationships

by with No Comment Christian adviceDatingFaithRelationships

Essentially, dating is so that you can take time to analyze if you can spend the rest of your life with someone in a marriage relationship. It should not really be a hurtful, devastating, and devaluing experience then but yet so many women have a part of their story that is shaded with a prolonged stay in a dating relationship where they were being manipulated, their values were being dismissed or even were forced to have babies outside of wedlock as a way to prove our fertility to the prospect husband! Here are four mistakes that women make that trap them in such experiences;

Choosing to work around red flags instead of leaving

The concept of red flags in dating is used with reference to traffic where the red light simply means stop, don’t move. Since relationships are built on character, red flags are those character attributes that cannot support a healthy relationship. Disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, someone who pushes you to compromise your values, lack of loyalty, lack of self-control, Physical violence, emotional abuse selfishness, sexual immorality, and poor communication are all traits that potentially ruin a relationship. All these characters are rooted in ungodliness or a lack of reverence for God and no one that does not love God truly will love another person fully.

Not setting clear and strong boundaries

Setting boundaries in relationships is all about defining how far people can come into your life and how you expect them to treat you. Things like how much of your time you are willing to give them and how far into your space can they come are what you are defining when you set boundaries. when you can’t clearly state your boundaries and be strong enough to stand your ground, your relationships suffer. You get taken advantage of by way of others getting you to meet their needs at the expense of your own and without them caring to reciprocate.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it comes every other issue.” – Proverbs 4:23

Boundaries do just that— help us to guard our hearts from traumas, betrayals, crushing disrespect, and even sin which are likely to happen to us if we just carelessly let people into every space of our lives even when they don’t qualify.

Setting unrealistic timelines of when you should get married

Marriage is for every adult who desires it but there isn’t a specific age limit to do it. Nevertheless, there is a lie (Revelations 12:9) flying around in society that romance is a qualification for a good life and the greatest happiness is found in a relationship with a boyfriend (or husband) so most young women pursue getting hooked as soon as possible even when they are not ready for marriage.

Speaking of readiness for marriage, Marshall Segal (writer and managing editor at desiringGod.org) challenges us to have serious questions about maturity and stability; Has our boyfriend or girlfriend matured enough to have any idea what they might be like as a husband or wife for the next fifty years? Have we really matured enough? Will one or both of us be able to provide for a family financially? Has his or her faith in Jesus been tested enough by trials to be confident it’s real?

Taking responsibility for other people’s bad behavior

The man you’re dating is not your child. It is not your job to mother him so if he comes with poor character such as a lack of respect for your boundaries, lack of self-control and therefore wanting to engage you in premarital sex because he can’t wait or outright immaturity where he wants the relationship to be entirely focused on only his needs. Your role as a helpmeet is to help him with fulfilling the purpose of his life or to pull him out of the strands of bad behaviour. People do not change because someone is forcing them to but because they want to.

Since your choices in life are governed by your thought patterns, I believe what you tolerate in your dating experiences or single lady season is dependent on how you think about yourself. I wrote the book “Journey to Wholeness: Learning to Value Yourself as a Single Lady” to help hundreds of women to cultivate the mindset they need to attract healthy dating relationships that can set them up for success.

You can get your copy here or on Amazon, it will elevate your life.

A confident Woman, A Godly Woman

How to become a confident Woman

by with No Comment Christian adviceFaith

No matter how you start out in life, you have an opportunity to finish well. You are already blessed to live a significant life that glorifies God.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and Multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. ————-GENESIS 1:27-28

To finish well is to live life to fulfill down to the last detail of what God has called you to do.

 I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do. —–  JOHN 17:4

It is a life where through your gifts, talents, and resources you bless the lives of those around you, and confidence is a key factor in achieving this.

Here are some tips on how to become a confident woman;

  • Discover your strengths

It is important to always operate in the area of strengths, rather than in the area of your weaknesses and the first step in discovering your strengths is to find out what you are passionate about by asking God about what He has created you to do. Your passions are usually tied to your gifts and you will gain confidence in your gifts if you train in them by allowing yourself to take on life experiences where they are required.

For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.  —— 1 Corinthians 7:7

  • Mind your presentation

People always look at your appearance before they hear what you have to say so see to it that the way you dress, calls for compliments and facial expressions that will lift your spirit and make you feel confident.

  • Clothe yourself with your strengths

Keep away from always talking about the negative things in your life. Generally, everybody gets to deal with something bad at a certain point in their lifetime. Timothy Keller put it this way;

“No amount of money, power, and planning can prevent bereavement, dire illness, relationship betrayal, financial disaster, or a host of other troubles from entering your life. Human life is fatally fragile and subject to forces beyond our power to manage. Life is tragic.”
― Timothy Keller, Walking with God through Pain and Suffering

You notice that people tend to talk more about the positives in their lives and that draws us to them because they embody confidence and strength. You too can become a confident person if you focus more on what is going right for you. In fact, being positive in mind and in speech helps you get creative about overcoming the bad.

  • Take up opportunities to serve others

We all would love to be talked about as great people but service is the heart of greatness and like I earlier said, we become confident in our gifts and talents by putting them to use.

But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. —- Mathew 23:11

So if there is an opportunity to give of yourself to others, take it even if there is no payment attached to it. It is an opportunity to polish your skills and maybe come to a level of people paying for your time just to partake of your gift.

With those few remarks, I am glad that for the years you have left, you will confidently walk through every single day as you work on fulfilling down to the last detail of what God has called you to do.

May the peace of God that passes on all understanding be with you

May you always be driven by your dreams and not controlled by your circumstances

Yours Truly,
Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye
Author: “Journey to Wholeness: Learning to Value Yourself as a Single Lady”

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How a woman’s choice of spouse affects her career progress

by with No Comment Christian advicePersonal growthRelationshipsSingle life
Written by Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye

All around us, it is evident that one of the things that affect one’s career progress is who one chooses to date and eventually marry. Cheryl Sandberg, former Meta COO also confirmed the observation when she said “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.”

Lady, if the man you are closely relating with is conscientious and cooperative, it is highly likely that he will influence and challenge you to give your best in your career as well as support you to follow through with your obligations. Furthermore, if he is God revering, he will see to it that you stay in the safe space of your own ongoing relationship with God; a place from which you will draw your greatest strength to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Researchers from Washington University in St. Louis conducted a study covering almost 5,000 married people between the ages of 19 and 89 over a span of five years and found that the only spousal trait that was important to an employee’s work outcomes was conscientiousness. For both male and female partners conscientiousness was seen to be the major personality trait that predicts future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion.

On the other, relating with a toxic man drains your energy, motivation, and time because they constantly need your attention and constant reassurance of your love for them so that they can validate themselves all that while not caring to reciprocate as it should be. A toxic man does not know how to be happy on their own and is usually not on good terms with God so they seek an individual who they can use to entertain themselves and hence they have to be controlling to keep the individual in their grasp. This dynamic eventually causes your work performance to decline because when you are being controlled and abused by a toxic person in a close relationship, you become too tired from giving all your attention to your partner’s every single need, sometimes involving in fights that take a toll on your mental wellbeing.

What usually ties women in toxic relationships is their inability to see their value. When a woman doesn’t acknowledge that she is valuable, she will not see what she offers the world and others and how it is equal in measure to what others have to offer. Because she is so enamoured with thinking that other people’s company and love are a favour she does not deserve, she may attract/ put up with men who do not value women. She goes on to easily forgive all types of abuse and violence out of fantasizing that her love interest has the potential to change and do much better than he is right now!

So many things including unhealed childhood trauma, taking our identity from the world instead of God, etc. cause so many women to undervalue themselves and end up settling for troublesome men. The only sure way for a woman to stir clear of toxic relationships is by learning to value herself enough to be selective of who she allows in her life.

If you need help healing from trauma, learning to value yourself as a Single Lady, and adopting a Christ-influenced approach to life and relationships, get a copy of my new book; “Journey to Wholeness; Learning to Value Yourself as a Single Lady”

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My plastic surgery story

by with One Comment Christian advicePersonal growth

Written by Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye

On June/12/2023, I watched a YouTube video that narrated a story of a young woman who died in the process of a BBL surgery. I couldn’t help but reminisce on the times in my own life when I hoped to one day do plastic surgery. I really hated the way I physically appeared compared to other girls and when I watched those botched TV shows, I was always looking forward to when it would be my time to be on the bench. Since I was young and did not have that kind of money, I let the thought slip.

Fast forward a couple of years later when I took part in beauty pageants, I started to reconsider the thought. The not-so-aesthetic appearance of my eyes was pointed out by a chaperone as one of the things that put me at a disadvantage to win the competition. For various other reasons, I ended up not winning and I walked away with this self-hatred re-ignited.

Eventually, when I got the first job that offered me medical insurance, my eyes were the first thing I thought to utilize it for. I went on to spend six weeks at the eye clinic where they were doing tests on my eyes to examine how my vision would be affected after the surgeries. I had to wear prisms and patches for hours and sometimes miss out on work because the prisms were giving me double vision. At the end of the examinations, that eye specialist told me I would need three surgeries and the results would be either a slight improvement, a worse outcome, or no change a all. She then told me to go home and think about it and when I was ready, I could call in and set my surgery appointment.

I had now got my chance to get fixed yet, surprisingly, I was not as excited. I kept thinking of the probability of something going wrong during the surgery that would cause me to lose my sight. How exactly would I approach God to ask him for healing from blindness when I took perfectly functioning eyes to be cut up so that I can achieve a certain aesthetic appearance? I asked my mum (now late) about it and she said she didn’t even see any issue with my eyes.

Not convinced that I should drop the surgery, I went to ask God about it.  I prayed, “Should I go ahead with this procedure?” In response, he asked, “What is the function of your eyes?” I thought to myself, “To see”. Again I heard his voice in my mind asking, “How is your vision?” and I thought to myself, “20 by 20 vision!”Then I clearly had His voice tell me to not go ahead with it. I was so at peace, never called the clinic to set the appointment, and never have I ever felt the urgency to see through that surgery.

Nevertheless, my eyes were not the only part of me that I desired to risk going under the knife for. I just hadn’t come across the clinics that would work on those other parts of me here at home and let alone the money it would cost. I kept watching those plastic surgery TV shows, being blown away by the successful operations and picking my inspiration for when I can ever afford one of those BBLs, Nose Job, etc.

A time came when I got enamoured with pursuing the purpose of my life. I always knew I had a service to render to the LORD but I had got so caught up with trying to earn the comforts of life, getting involved in one too many ventures that were just time wasting and giving no satisfactory results that I didn’t really care about what my true potential was. So One day, I asked God what I could do with my life. Immediately, I started to desire to pursue leadership, seek out what I am truly passionate about and the gifts/ talents I could use to add value to others.

With that enlightenment, I stopped hating my body and started to appreciate it for what I can accomplish with it. Being more in tune with the fact that my life has a purpose to serve, I have become less interested in trying to cut myself up to fit a stereotype and more accepting of the fact that God crafted me fit for my purpose and that is the truth for you too. God does not make any mistakes. He fearfully and wonderfully made every single one of us (Psalm 139:14).

Further more, God calls everything he made very good.

Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. – Genesis 1:31 (NKJV)

So do not let the standards of this world cause you to put your life at a risk in order to fit in. You are made fit for the purpose your maker created you for. Find it out today and if you need some help, come be apart of the FOCUS COURSE which I designed to support you on your self-discovery Journey.

Related: Why it Matters to discover your Life’s purpose

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Help, am stuck in a hurtful relationship

by with 4 Comments Christian adviceDatingRelationshipsSingle life

Written by Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye

Toxic dating relationships can be difficult to exit but it is possible to move on from them. Let us identify what a toxic relationship is, why you can be stuck in one, and what to do to let it go.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 gives us a blueprint of what a healthy relationship should look like;

Two are better than one; because they have a more satisfying return for their labour. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion: but woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up.

In a toxic relationship, nothing is mutual! Rather it is about one person trying to control another. People become controlling when they harden their hearts towards God. This lack of submission to God rips them of the natural joy and peace that comes from having that relationship so they turn to selfishly using others to find their joy.

Toying with another person’s emotions and mind just to be seen and served even when there is nothing worth being recognized and applauded for is what thrills a toxic person’s life. This tendency is mostly referred to as Narcissism in today’s psychology and it is the major contributor to a relationship being toxic.

Narcissists are people who have an inflated sense of self-worth. They don’t submit to God because they see themselves as a god. Their prideful nature tells them that they are above everyone and everyone ought to stand in awe of them yet most of the time, there is seldom anything worthy of praise in their lives. They only act like they are good but at heart, they harbor the evil of continually seeking to pull others down so they can always seem ahead of everyone.

Let me draw a picture of a toxic relationship for you using my own experience;

MAKING EXCUSES FOR IMMORALITY

We were both professing Christians and so when it came to dating I expected and even proposed we were to pursue purity. He agreed to it but he kept disrespecting the boundaries I set because he was not willing to exercise self-control. To dismiss my boundaries intended to observe purity, he kept calling marriage “it’s just a paper” claiming that hanging out outdoors was for people who don’t want to get married and, that since he observes all the other Christian values, engaging in sexual sin wouldn’t be that big of a deal!” While I didn’t give in to sex, keeping him around was very detrimental to me because I was constantly having to deal with the manipulation, threats, and emotional abuse in his effort to break my confidence and cause me to give in.

NEVER APOLOGIZING FOR / ADMITTING WRONG

He could never be wrong even if he was obviously wrong. Instead, he would play the victim always and shift the blame. This is typical of narcissistic people because they always don’t care enough about the other person or the relationship to take responsibility for their mistake and apologize for it.

DECEPTIVE SPEECH

He was always twisting the word of God to fit his wants. Like how could he dismiss my persistence on us pursuing holy matrimony instead of the cohabiting and first having children that he was proposing by claiming “Marriage is just a paper.” No, it’s not. It is a covenant built on godly character and it matters to follow godly steps to enter it. 

You see having a child with someone and leaving with them before marriage does not guarantee that they will marry you and that God blesses your relationship! 

Beware lest any man spoil you through Philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. – Colossians 2:8

The list goes on and on so let me leave it at that and go into  why you could be staying in that kind of relationship and what you need to know so you can let go; 

Fear of being alone

Desperately wanting other people’s company because you believe the lie that when you are single you are alone is how so many of us end up allowing whoever comes instead of the appropriate one. The truth is, we cannot be with a person 24/7 minute by minute, even a spouse but we are never alone because God is ever present with us.

……”I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” – God, Hebrews 13:5

The sunk cost fallacy

This is the phenomenon where a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.

Yes after we have invested time, effort, and money in a relationship, it can be so hurtful to have to choose to walk away from it but let me ask you this question. If you knew all the things that make him/her a bad choice before investing, would you still be choosing him/her to be a part of your life?

Low self-esteem

I am not good enough, nobody can truly choose or love me, I don’t have what it takes to get the best, etc are the kinds of thoughts that constantly run through your mind when you have low self-esteem. Then, they make you latch onto anyone that asks you out, brushing off every red flag/ undesirable character you see about them because you do not want to deal with the lies you have believed about yourself. It is not a relationship that validates you. You are already valid as God’s creation and he even gave Jesus to die in your place (John 3:16) so you can live and accomplish the exploits he created you for!

Other popular reasons I will not elaborate here include; you already engaged, you have had sex and you have had a child. All these and the above are not valid reasons to stay in a toxic dating relationship because it only tears you apart.

SO HOW DO YOU GET OUT?

For me it was realizing that I don’t have to earn marriage through excruciating pain. I was holding on because I really wanted to get married. I looked at marriage as where true living would begin so much that i’d put pursuing my goals on hold just to first solidify a relationship!

Toxic relationships cause much more pains compared to the ones you think you will experience by being single. Yes, singleness may not be desirable when you are of marriage age but it is not a prison, and God’s way out for you cannot be through a demeaning, destructive relationship. He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11) including; giving you a loving, supportive spouse in his perfect time.

To this end, trust God and ask him to give you the strength to let go because you cannot talk a person into doing right by you. For me to let go, God gave me a dream where I saw myself trying to talk to this person to make the right decision but he wasn’t yielding to me and the situation got worse when I persisted so I had to just step aside.

Also, surround yourself with people who are in healthy relationships (such as a thriving married Christian couple). This can help you to weigh if what you are in will really lead to a happy ending or not and inspire you to let go of someone who doesn’t treat you as per God’s standards.

If you’re a Single Lady reading this, check out my new book, “Journey to Wholeness”

 

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What to do when your Joy is drained

by with No Comment Christian adviceLifestyle
 
To wake up to the sunlight, with peace of mind, a body full of strength, the company of amazing people, the freedom to go where ever you want to go and the money to buy whatever you want to buy would be the ideal perfect day/ kind of life for the majority of us. We take on such days with enthusiasm and vigor. Nevertheless, there comes a day you don’t even want to get out of bed, can’t get yourself started on doing anything, and are hit so hard with discouragement. What just happened? where did my strength and enthusiasm go? you might ask. 
Well, you have an enemy named satan who will stop at nothing to rob your joy which is your strength.
Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
When the Psalmist insists that in God’s presence is fullness of joy, it means that your absence in God’s presence will definitely leave you drained of Joy.
 
 
 

Have you been praying regularly lately? Have you been responding to moments of sadness, weariness, or loneliness by rushing to the word of God to get yourself reminded of his promises or you’ve instead been choosing to distract yourself with movies and the company of friends who do not even point you back to God’s goodness? 

As a way to maintain your joy, Matt Chandler a writer on the blog Desiring God emphasizes that “fill your life with things that stir your affection for Jesus and pay attention to keeping away from your heart the things that rob you of those affections, even if those things are morally neutral”

Personally, I have noticed in my own life that when am not regularly spending time with God in prayer and in his word, I start having anxiety, depression, and discouragement. I have also noticed that when you are distancing yourself from God, it is easy for you to fall for Satan’s lies which are usually ideas intended to push you in harm’s way and ultimately destroy you because he is a killer and a destroyer.

So, anytime you’re unhappy, push yourself to God. If you feel like you don’t have the words to say to Him in prayer, ask him to speak to you; He always has something to say to us his children and He said we can hear his voice.
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. John 10:27

God loves you dearly,

Yours truly,
Kellen