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Ladies, the fear of never getting a husband is responsible for most of the unfortunate decisions we make concerning the men we choose to date and keep.
When you are worried that you might end up alone, you privilege anyone over the appropriate one. Then you start making excuses for a man whose values do not align with yours because you are trying to make sure you are not left out. A man who professes Christianity but does not bear the fruit of the Spirit or care to live according to God’s word is a no for a Christian woman to consider dating but you are willing to let him hang around as you talk him into doing things right because you think no one else will come around.
We humans were made to thrive in relationships and so it is a natural desire to want to cultivate relationships with those around us. Our need for relationship is even supported by God when He said that two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
What would Cause you to doubt that you will find a life partner?
For most women, the quality of father-daughter relationship they had greatly determines how they choose who they date in their adulthood. When a girl had an absent dad let’s say, it is easy to feel like she is not worth loving and that she may not get a guy to commit to her. This worry then causes her to not be in position to be prudent when a guy comes around because her major focus is on keeping him and not making sure he is safe to keep.
The other reason that cause someone to doubt that they will get a husband is social conditioning. Our society promotes the idea of being married by a certain age so when you are way past that age and no one is pairing up with you, it is easy to start worrying that you will miss out. We look at being alone for a while as a punishment because our society has made it seem like it’s more important to be coupled up than to be single. So, we find ourselves emptied of the ability to hold out for the person that will align with our values because we think we’ll be missing out on getting married.
Replacing the lies with the truth…
First, If you grew up in a home with an absent dad whether it was because of separation/ divorce or death, in your singleness, lean in to God as the father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). Allow yourself to find in Him what you believe you would have got from a dad before you choose to just find a mate to fill the void. When you feel lonely, unsafe, financially unsupported, reach out first to God for help and company before you plug into dating sites and setting yourself up to get hooked. He is the ultimate helper (Psalm 121:2).
The problem with trying to run after guys to fill the void is that it puts you at a high propensity to settle for less. Because you want company and support, you might not be willing to put up standards that a guy should meet to be part of your life or you might be quick to break them just to accommodate him.
Secondly, consider your singleness as a time to wait appropriately for the right person who God will connect you to at his perfect time. Contrary to society’s conditioning that a woman ought to marry by a certain age, maybe within her 20s, God says there is a time for everything. As long as you are walking with God, at the right time He will make it happen (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
The other solution is to see the good in yourself outside of a relationship. Truthfully your value is not tied to possessing a certain thing including marriage. Your value is intrinsic. Your inner qualities such as kindness, heart of service, meekness, etc. are all things that make you valuable to God and to society. Do not write yourself off because of the external possessions you do not yet have because their only role is to enhance life.
Thanks for coming this far into this blog, I hope it has been helpful. For more help on safely navigating your season of singleness, please get a copy of my book Journey to Wholeness that will help you get the healing and strengthening you need to wait appropriately for your mate.